לא כל יום פורים

לא כל יום פורים

תחפושת מאפשרת לנו לגלות חלקים באישיות שלנו ולהעיז להגשים משאלות שחלמנו, אך פחדנו. זה כמו לשחק ב”כאילו” ואז לראות האם יתכן שמצב מסוים הופך למציאות. חוויה כזו חלק מאתנו אולי מכירים, היא דומה למעבר מארץ לידתנו לגור במדינה אחרת. הסביבה חדשה, האנשים חדשים, לפתע לא מכירים אותנו, לא כמו מי שהיינו בארץ המוצא. …לקריאת המאמר המלא לחץ כאן.

כבר הנצו ניצנים – נשים בנות 80

כבר הנצו ניצנים – נשים בנות 80

לנשים שביניכן: איפה אתן בנות, אמהות, סבתות עם מילות שירה של חווה אלברשטיין:

“בנות מאה הן מוכרחות לרקוד עם הנינים והנכדים 
בנות מאה הן מוכרחות לרקוד שיתפקעו כל הידידים
בנות מאה רוקדות על הבלטה שהבעל יאזין מלמטה
גם אם בלב ישנה טיפונת עצב ברגלים עוד שמור הקצב”

אם את הקוראת, או מי מחברותיך, עוברת חוויה דומה אל תהססי לפנות לעזרה ! לקריאת המאמר המלא לחצי כאן

הפרעת קשב וריכוז במבוגרים

הפרעת קשב וריכוז במבוגרים

האם אתם מתקשים להתמקד בפרטים, כתוצאה מכך עושים טעויות “טיפשיות”, מתקשים לסיים קריאת ספר או לסירוגין שוקעים בקריאה עד כדי כך שלא שומעים דיבורים או הערות סביבכם, מתקשים בסדר ובארגון, מאבדים דברים, נמנעים מכל מה שקשור בלימודים בתירוצים שונים, מתקשים לרכוש שפה חדשה, מתקשים לשבת במקום לאורך זמן, בעת ישיבות משחקים עם הטלפון סלולרי או מקשקשים על דף, נכנסים לדברי אחרים באימפולסיביות, מרגישים שאתם חכמים אבל לא תמיד בא לביטוי ברמת התיפקוד? אם כן, דעו לכם שאינכם לבד . לקריאת המאמר המלא לחץ כאן.

 

Tomorrow is Another Day

Tomorrow is Another Day

What are the difference between now and tomorrow? What lies between our desires to our fulfillment? What lies between our expectation of ourselves and those around us and having it? This is a process that is either immediate or slow. “Some things are very easy for me to get,” says Betty (43), “for example, at my job, I ask the employees to complete certain assignments and they perform immediately.” “Where is the process slow?” I asked. When it comes to me, there is always a gap between my desire and my performance. Every night before I go to sleep I tell myself that tomorrow I will start the change but it hardly happens.

Betty is frustrated and disappointed with herself. She is also disappointed with her physical appearance. “Most of my clothes do not fit me,” she complains. “Every morning I discover a new wrinkle in my face, I decided to start from tomorrow a healthy lifestyle. I know exactly how to do it, but somehow it doesn’t happen.”

 

The gap between the desire to performance and fulfillment of our dreams was a subject of many articles, books, and research. Most of these deals with self-help advice from professionals and people attesting to their success. Betty reads many of these self-help books and understood their message as: “if you think positively – you will succeed.” However, such promises do not help the process. The human mind is not simple and easy. Usually, the process is long and tedious, and in fact, it is an endless process. Even if you fulfill your dream or reach your goal, you will have to continue to maintain what exists.

At the beginning of each psychotherapy session, we examine together what is success or failure for Betty. We examine different patterns of success and failure in her family as well as in her past and upbringing. Betty described her mother as a hardworking woman who was ambitious and focused on her success. As a child, Betty felt that her mom didn’t love her. She views her mom as a model but has a hard time juggling taking care of herself and raising her two children. The thought in Betty’s head is very rigid: “I can be either a good mom or only take care of myself.”

 

Part of the psychotherapy is the fear behind Betty’s difficulty with dealing with her life. If you are undergoing a similar process you can use the following tools. First, Betty understands that what is important is the process and it has to begin now. Starting now, at this moment, is the basis. Tomorrow is the future to which we want to reach, and we cannot reach it if we do not start changing now. Second, as part of the change, Betty learns to accept that change is as written above a process and that in the process she might feel ups and downs of frustration, anger, sorrow and self-judgment and that the change might not be tomorrow. Third, the perfect change or the “perfect day” does not really exist, but she needs consistency and persistence for when success seems far away. As part of the process, we often have to ask for help from friends, family and professionals. As for help, at this point Betty is in the process of understanding the meaning of “getting help” for her (“I am weak, I can not”) and learning that taking and getting help is actually meaning “being strong”. She learns ways that Cognitive- Behavioral Therapy will help her to get the help she needs.

Film actress Cameron Diaz writes in her book, The Longevity, that we are the only ones that have the keys to healthy living: eating right, exercising, and getting adequate rest. Her main point is optimistic: ” Tomorrow is Another Day” says Scarlett in the famous book by Margaret Mitchell’s “Gone With the Wind”.

 

The article is based on an article I wrote in Hebrew published in Israpost Magazine

 

 

What Would You Do if Today Was Your Last Day on Earth?

What Would You Do if Today Was Your Last Day on Earth?

 

“What would you do if today was your last day on earth?” I ask Daniel (52). Daniel does not know how to respond to my question. “this is a hypothetical question, most likely it’s not my last day on earth, I don’t like to imagine things, I am a practical person.” He added, “anyways, let’s just pretend it was, what would I do? I would go to the beach, eat delicious ice cream, kiss my wife, hug my children, call my mother and sisters in Israel…”

I nodded my head and asked Daniel, “so what stops you from doing all those things today?”. It is important that you, the reader, should also ask yourself this question every once in a while.

Many people who were asked this same question described in their answer very basic activities, not necessarily related to money or social status, but rather personal relationships with the people they love.

Daniel was referred to me through an Employee Assistant Program in his work place after he complained about various pains and many sick days due to medical issues. Daniel underwent several medical evaluations that found no physical problems with his body. He came to me for several sessions to receive help and mental support. He told me that he was boring at job. The clock never seems to move while he’s at the office and work is repetitive. His co-workers do not interest him and he would have already quit his job, but he can’t because he isn’t young anymore and have responsibility to support his wife and kids. As a result, Daniel began to develop anxieties and stress which translated into actual physical pains and discomfort in his daily life. Together, we agreed that because he cannot leave his job, he must find ways to deal with his anxieties and make the correct changes in his life. We discussed how he could find the motivation and energy to enjoy what he does have, instead of only focusing on what’s missing from his life.

Through our sessions, Daniel understood that things he wished would happen and haven’t happened yet, such as life goals, will only happen if he actively works towards accomplishing them. Because he did not want to leave his job, it was now up to him to either feel stressed or make the decision to focus on the things outside of work that will bring him fulfillment and happiness, such as his wife and kids, or go on more vacations with his friends and family.

During his famous Stanford University commencement trip address, the late Steve Jobs began his speech with a similar question about life, “if today was my last day alive, would I be doing what I am currently doing today?” In his speech, he went on to say that he wakes up every morning asking himself this same question. If the answer is “no” for too many days, he knows that he must make a change. The realization that he might die any day is a vital tool that helps him make the important decisions in his life. Jobs said that fear, pride, failure, and shame all fizzle away in front of death. Your time on this planet is limited and you must not waste your days while you are still here. Strive to live every day doing what is truly important to you.

The article is based on an article I wrote in Hebrew published in Israpost Magazine