ככה את יוצאת מהבית?
“ככה את יוצאת מהבית?” שאלה שנשאלת בלא מעט בתים עם מתבגרות. לבוש אינו קשור רק לטעם והתאמה אלא גם ביטוי ליחסים מורכבים בין אם לבת. מודעות לכך יכולה לעזור לפתור לא מעט קונפליקטים. לקריאת המאמר המלא לחץ כאן
האם אתה בוגר?
“האם אני בוגר” שואלים היום את עצמם צעירים רבים בשנות העשרים לחייהם. כיצד אדע שאני בוגר? לקריאת המאמר המלא לחץ כאן
הפרעת קשב וריכוז במבוגרים
האם אתם מתקשים להתמקד בפרטים, כתוצאה מכך עושים טעויות “טיפשיות”, מתקשים לסיים קריאת ספר או לסירוגין שוקעים בקריאה עד כדי כך שלא שומעים דיבורים או הערות סביבכם, מתקשים בסדר ובארגון, מאבדים דברים, נמנעים מכל מה שקשור בלימודים בתירוצים שונים, מתקשים לרכוש שפה חדשה, מתקשים לשבת במקום לאורך זמן, בעת ישיבות משחקים עם הטלפון סלולרי או מקשקשים על דף, נכנסים לדברי אחרים באימפולסיביות, מרגישים שאתם חכמים אבל לא תמיד בא לביטוי ברמת התיפקוד? אם כן, דעו לכם שאינכם לבד . לקריאת המאמר המלא לחץ כאן.
Relationship with my Smartphone
Most parents that come to my office are very concerned that their children are non-stop roaming the Internet and constantly use modern technologies (computer, Facebook, cell phone, Twitter, Instagram). Being immersed in computerized technology prevents a person from communicating with others. Therefore, it is very important to become aware of the effect of technology on our own lives. However, did you as a parent look at yourself and not just on your children ?
Sarah, a 43 year-old married woman with three children, reports a feeling of emptiness. Most of her days are spent running errands, shopping, meeting friends, or talking on the phone. Her friends are jealous of her life style and the fact that she has time for herself. However, she feels lonely and empty. She finds herself more and more upset with her children and herself, and often suffers from breathing difficulties. She recently started to consume more food because she feels empty and bored. Sarah found that her cell phone has gradually become the center of her world. She talks on the phone almost nonstop with her friends, her children, and her husband. When the children return from school she read posts on Facebook, participates in many groups chats, responds immediately to any email, and constantly posts new pictures on Instagram. Her cellphone goes with her everywhere and anywhere, without a single break from social media. In the beginning, she really enjoyed the idea that she could be in touch with family and friends who live far away and read and see their activity. She liked the idea that she can know and be in touch with her children and her husband and know where they are at all times. Recently, however, she realized that her children spend more time on social media then on homework and learning. Moreover, even the teachers at school confirmed that her children were not focused in class. They barely play with other children, stayed inside their rooms after coming back from school, because they connect with their friends on social media. She decided to restrict their cell phone and computer use, but her children were unwilling and argumentative. When her son said: “Mom, you’re always on the phone when we are together. Why aren’t we allowed to do the same?!” At that moment, she realized—I’m really afraid to leave my cell.
Sarah suffers from anxiety of technology and fear of missing out, which is the anxiety from the thought that she is left out from everyone’s experiences. Her anxiety was further aggravated by her personal feelings of emptiness and lack of action. Using her cell phone was her attempt at reducing the anxious feelings by knowing what was happening in other people’s lives. Instead, however, her constant connection to social media increased her anxiety by making her feel as though as was missing out.
Psychotherapy sessions helped her to understand the role of technology in her life and how it actually increases her level of anxiety. She was able to take short breaks from using social media, such as leaving her cell phone in the house while going on a walk in the park. Studies show that observing nature (even watching a pot or flower) enhances the experience of disconnection from the Internet, and focuses on the present time and strengthens the awareness of being present to yourself without any fears and worries. Gradually, Sarah extended the periods of time she placed her cell phone aside, and was able to be in touch with herself. During our sessions, we spoke about her life and her future plans.
Technology affects us mentally and functionally. It is important to identify anxiety-related reactions and change our relationship with our smartphones.
The article is based on an article I wrote in Hebrew published in Israpost Magazine
30s are not the new 20s
Roe (24) recently graduated from college, but is struggling to find himself and is unemployed. He claims that he mainly cares about earning a lot of money. However, currently, he lives at home and is supported financially by his parents. His father and him constantly fight and argue. His father thinks that Roe is “immature, unmotivated, and lacks a sense of responsibility.”
In today’s culture, the transition from your 20s to 30s has become complicated. Historically, people married, had children, and built a career at a much younger age. However, today’s young adults have so many options, and they often prefer to just have fun, live at home, and live “carefree.” Simultaneously, there is still social pressure on people to be financially successful in an early age (for example, Mark Zuckerberg, the inventor of Facebook) and so many experience anxiety and fear of failure from this competitive environment.
Dr. Meg Jay, a clinical psychologist and author of “The Defining Decade”, argues in her book that a new transition stage from childhood to adulthood has been created in modern society, where young people refrain from making long term commitments and decisions about their lives such as career and relationships. However, she argues that a person’s 20s are a defining moment that will lay the foundation for the rest of their lives. Hence, it is a mistake for young people to take these vital years for granted, delay important life decisions, and hope that their 30s will be bring them answers. Inspired by Dr. Jay’s scientific research, my conversation with Roe focused on three issues. First, Roe was asked to attend our sessions without his father so he could view himself as an independent adult and was asked to share the payment for a third of the sessions out of his own pocket.
Second, Roe learned that he needs to practice making important life decisions. For example, Roe says that he is not ready for marriage and family life, but he should still seek out a relationship and intimacy with a partner to prepare him for a future long term relationship. He may not have yet found a professional career, but it is still important that he work and experience different employment environments that interest him instead of temporary ones that may bring more money in the present but will not help him gain professional skills for his future. To address this second issue, Roe and I discussed his professional interests and aspirations. Although a well-paid career is important, it is equally important to find a fulfilling and challenging career, as most of us will spend a significant amount of our day at work.
Third, Roe only interacts with people he already knows, and does not attempt to create new relationships and friendships. For his “homework assignment”, Roe was asked to try and connect with a new person (or someone from his past that he has not seen in a long time) once a week. The ability to make friends and form new connections is very important for networking and advancing professionally.
The article is based on an article I wrote in Hebrew published in Israpost Magazine
